Why is a Bar Mitzvah at Thirteen?



Tomorrow is another Bar Mitzvah! Mazal Tov David Silverman! I’ve been studying with him and another couple of boys over the past few months, and it has been a great experience for all of us.

They say that on a Bar Mitzvah, you become a man. And at a Bat Mitzvah, you become a woman.

But is that true?

Can you drive a car at 13? Or buy a cigarette? Or a lottery ticket? Or get a job?

These milestones are at age 16, 18 or 21.

And the real milestone for manhood, should really be determined by the actuaries working for the car rental companies… Age 25!

And why do girls reach the age a year early? Some have tried to make the boys and girls equal by having both celebrations at 13.

But you can’t change biology.

Age 13 for boys, and 12 for girls, is the age when a child’s body starts to mature and change. And their mind starts to change too.

They start thinking on their own.

Children absorb whatever their parents and teachers tell them. They just parrot the world views, religion and politics of the people they look up to for guidance.

At age 13, though, (and 12 for girls), they start to think on their own. They start practicing critical thinking. They start to challenge the ideas that were communicated to them. They start to forge their own weltanschauung.

This is why they may develop some disrespect (chutzpah).

But it’s not a bad thing.

It just needs to be channeled to the right place.

Finding their own way in life is a tremendous thing. And the good news is that parents can still have influence on their children.

But blind obedience won’t work anymore.

It’s gotta be logical persuasion and narration of life. Because they’re just starting to think on their own. It will take years before they become “set in their ways” and become inflexible adults.

And this is why they say, at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, you become a man/woman. You’re responsible for yourself.

If a child wasn’t educated properly, at 13 is the time they need to screw their heads on straight, and bad parents are no longer an excuse.

Conversely, a child who had a great upbringing can’t suffice with that wholesome education. They’ve got to own it make their own life.

Mazal Tov David.

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