Pool Safety Lessons

 

It's very easy to judge the parents of a child who drowned, and assume that they were negligent or taking safety lightly.  It's not true.  Drowning is the #1 cause of death for children under four, and the #2 cause for children under 14. 

Levi drowned 5' away from me.  I wasn't on my phone.  I was merely talking to another adult, while facing the pool.  We were at a friend's pool with six children there together.  I was in the pool most of the time, and got out for 5 minutes, standing at the gate supervising, while talking to the host (who also had a child in the pool).  Levi left the pool area, and came back a few minutes later riding a trike.  While I was thinking to myself that it wasn't a good idea, for some reason I decided not to make an issue out of it.  A couple minutes later, Moussia was about to jump in, and screamed, "Tatty!  Levi's at the bottom of the pool!"  Why didn't I see him fall?  Why didn't I hear the splash?  The answer is because it happens so quickly and quietly. 

The most important lesson that I learned, is the level of sensitivity the supervising adult must have.  #1 there must be one adult supervising.  #2 This adult must be taking a head count every 15 seconds.  We've been back in the pool a couple times since this ordeal, and I'm noticing how lax other supervising adults are, turning their heads away from the pool for minutes at a time.  I wouldn't consider this negligence, but knowing what I know now, that's not good enough for me anymore.  It's also important for the supervising adult to know when they are getting fatigued.  State law requires that on-duty lifeguards switch out every 20 minutes because of fatigue.  We just can't let our guard down, even for 30 seconds.

Another statistic I learned is that 70% of fatal drownings happen when in non-swimming times.  I would never vacation at a home with an un-fenced pool and I wouldn't even bring my children for a visit more than a few minutes in such a home, unless we were there specifically to swim with supervision.

There are other elements to pool safety, but these are the two that have changed Natanya and me forever, so this is what I'm sharing for now. 

As for the sensitivity issue, I've been thinking about it a lot over the past week.  Here are some more thoughts not in any particular order: 

(1) Probably the most iconic Jewish custom of all time is the breaking of a glass at a Jewish wedding.  The reason for this custom is because even at the epitome of joy (a wedding), we can't forget the fact that our temple in Jerusalem is destroyed, and out of sensitivity for that, we break a glass. 

(2) On Friday night our daughter, Moussia, shared a dvar Torah (lesson) on the weekly parsha at our Shabbos table.  The first mitzvah in that portion is bikurim, to bring the first fruits to the Temple and celebrate there, thanking G-d for our bounty.  The Torah makes it clear that this mitzvah wouldn't start until 14 years after the Jews came into Israel, because that's how long it took for all the Jews to divide and settle the land.  The question is that many Jews were settled in the land right away and had first fruits ready to thank G-d for, more than a decade before they were required/allowed to bring.  The Rebbe explained that as long as another Jew isn't settled in his portion and ready to bring his own first fruits, I can't bring mine.  Imagine the sensitivity our Torah is teaching us to have for another Jew, from another tribe, whom we may have never met!

(3) While speaking to my rabbi about the whole issue, he mentioned to me that during the Six Day War, in 1967, Kfar Chabad (A little Chabad village not far from Tel Aviv) had a lot of elders drafted from the reserves.  At the end of the war, they were amazed to find that not one resident of the city was lost, and declared it a holiday, and read the Hallel prayer on behalf of the city. 

The Rebbe strongly disapproved and spoke publicly about it.  The fact that your village experienced a miracle is true and worthy of thanksgiving and publicizing.  However, to make a holiday out of it when 983 of your brothers and sisters from other parts of Israel did lose their lives is insensitive.   

I think this lesson is relevant to everyone.  For every blessing we have, there are inevitably others who don't have.  Finding your soulmate and being happily married is a blessing, and many people are lonely, either by themselves or with their spouse.  Children are a blessing, and many people don't have children.  Health is a blessing, and many people have poor health.  Having a fulfilling job or shlichus (mission) is a blessing, and many people hate their jobs, feel empty and unfulfilled at work.  Owning a house is a blessing, and many don't own their house.  Accumulating wealth is a blessing, and many don't have a penny to their name.  Understanding and wisdom is a blessing and many people's wisdom doesn't match their age.  Every miracle, good fortune, and blessing that we have in our lives is a kiss from G-d to us.   We should learn from our forefather Jacob and his words "Become humbled from all the kindness," not arrogant, which is very easy when we are blessed.

Does this mean that we can't share our blessings in public?  What did the Rebbe expect of Kfar Chabad in 1967?  I think the answer must be that there's a balance between showing gratitude in public and showing sensitivity for those who lost loved ones in the war.  Each blessing must be treated differently.  The more painful the "have not's" experience, the more sensitivity is required when sharing that blessing.  And boy did I learn a lesson, as we would have been left with an eternal hole in our hearts if G-d didn't grant us this blessing.