I want to be a motorcycle Stuntman



Did you ever see the motorcycle stuntmen in the circus?  It's amazing to watch three or four people riding around perfectly in this tiny cage without crashing into each other.  What about airplanes flying in tandem?  These huge things flying around at crazy fast speeds are just a few feet away from each other.  One little maneuver out of sync they'd come crashing down.  Even at the dentist office, I'm amazed to watch the assistant working together with the doctor.  They know exactly what the other one is going to do next and work as a perfect team, like a hand in a glove.

Before I make my point, let me tell you a little story.  While Natanya was in NY at the Shluchos convention, I was trying to be a good dad, taking care of our four younger children.  Luckily, I had big time help from my stepmother and father, and we made it.

Things were basically fine until Friday night.  As we set up the table for Shabbos dinner, Levi, our 18 month old, started to cry.  We thought that he might be hungry, so we put some food in his high chair, but he just started to cry more.  As we took him out of the high chair, he cried more.  We thought he might miss his mommy, so we took out a photo album, but he cried even more.  I thought he might be tired, so I took him upstairs and put him in his crib, and he went completely berserk!

As I sat in the room with him, it dawned on me:  Why is mommy's chair empty?  Will she ever come back?  That is what he is thinking!

Every other day, it's normal to have changes in schedule.  Sometimes we're in LA for dinner, and sometimes mommy or tatty (that's me) goes away for a night.  Once Friday came, and he saw that mommy's place at the Shabbos table was empty, he worried that something happened to her, and that she wouldn't come back.

In his dark room, I picked him up and told him just that.  "Levi.  You're worried about mommy because she isn't at the house for Shabbos dinner.  She's okay in NY at the convention, and she loves you.  She's coming back on Monday and we'll pick her up at the airport."

As I said those words, the crying stopped.  I lifted him out of his crib and we went downstairs together, to an uneventful, enjoyable Shabbos dinner.

I think about how close I was to letting him fall asleep without ever knowing why he was crying.  How many parents can't figure out why their 18 month old's or 18 year old's are doing the seemingly inexplicable.  I was determined to find out why he was crying and didn't just suffice with the classic, "he's just crying because he's over-tired."  How rewarding it was to actually win the prize and crack the code of his tears.

This is called being in touch with our children.  Obviously, I have a long way to go, because it took me 45 minutes to figure out what was bothering him, but the happy ending to the story shows a good start.

This is why I mentioned the motorcycle stunt men, tandem flying pilots and surgeons assistants.  In business, so many people have figured out how to work seamlessly and be totally in touch with their partners.

Why don't we see this level of "being in touch" in personal relationships with our spouses, parents, and children?

My theory is because there's no money in it.

If, however, we're determined to be in touch with those who matter most to us, we can develop the same level of sensitivity, just like the stuntmen.  Of course it takes time, just like the motorcyclists practice for tens of thousands of hours, to the point that they just feed off each other.  This time it took me 45 minutes to figure out what was bothering Levi, but next time, I'll figure it out faster, until we'll be totally in sync.

Is this my own idea?  No.  In Tanya, the Alter Rebbe describes our forefathers, Abraham, Issac & Jacob as chariots to G-d's will.  They were so in touch with what G-d wanted from them, that they were like a chariot, which responds precisely to the drivers movements (his book was written before motorcycles).  As a reward for their in-touchness with G-d, we, their descendants inherited the capability to achieve that same level of sensitivity, as the Alter Rebbe explains there. 

May G-d bless us all, to be chariots, stuntmen, surgical assistants and tandem pilots with our family, ourselves, G-d, and those who need us most.

Shabbat Shalom, 

Rabbi Abrams

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