Which Kind of Family Are You From?

Which kind of family are you from?  I bring up this issue now because almost a week ago, eleven of our brothers and sisters were murdered in cold blood.  Naturally, as family, we think of each other and turn to each other for support.  I've received a flood of emails this week from the Jewish and non-Jewish community alike, in an out pour of love and care.  People thanked us for being here, expressing their concerns and renewed their commitment to the community by offering to help.  My neighbor let me know that he's keeping in eye out for us and that he has my back, as well a visit from the police department, just to let us know that they care.  This was truly a week of unity. 

Facebook posts were circulating, about the words of this monster.  As he stormed the Tree of Life, he declared, "All Jews must die".  Tiferes pointed out that he didn't single out conservative, orthodox or reform Jews, and instead declared that we all deserve to die.

At the same time, however, there were some that responded to this push for unity with complaints and skepticism.  They pointed out the differences between communities and ideologies, and bemoaned them. 

It really is like family.

Family is interesting.  On the one hand, family implies unconditional love.  My grandmother told me before she passed that we really can rely on each other, and we're all that we've got.  When everyone else gives up on you, family will still love and care about you. 

On the other hand, precisely because of this unconditional love, many times, the family relationship is one of neglect and abuse.  Many families are in a constant cycle of fighting with each other, just to make up shortly afterwards, and start the cycle over again. 

I've had the honor of helping many families through end of life with their loved ones, and I've noticed two distinct trends.  Some families bond, are respectful towards each other and support one another.  Other families will display extreme dysfunction at this crucial time and be extra critical and irritable. 

Let us choose the path of life.  The path of healthy, normal families that support each other, speak with care and understanding, and welcome honest feedback, especially in hard times.  Having a normal family takes work, real work.  It's not like work that you can succeed in by being a jerk.  You actually have to act normal, and not just in front of other people. 

I don't know anyone that has it totally figured out, but I can tell you that Natanya and I are on this journey and truly long for you to join us on it.  We hope that you will join us on it.  

Shabbat Shalom, 
Rabbi Abrams

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